Daddy dearest.
8:51:00 AMFather- Daughter relationship.
Few days ago, I've read an article which i think it's very meaningful and quite true.
I guess the topic already give you some ideas what am i gonna post.
Come come. I will share with u all. ;)
If you wish to give some comments, then give ha. haha.
We're not called daddy's little girls for nothing, but the relationship between a father and his daughter could be more important than we realise.
Very often, stories and research focus on the relationship between mothers and daughters.
This probably stems from the popular notion that mothers are the nurturers of the family, raising children and tending to the home while fathers are the providers.
But, the most important relationship in a young girl's life is actually the one she has with her father.
Teen health expert, Dr Meg Meeker, has studied and counselled many young ladies in her 20 years of experience, and found that more than anyone else, it's this father-daughter relationship that will set the course for the rest of a woman's life.
From her father, a daughter learns self-respect and acceptance, how to relax around and be friendly with men, without being sexual, that men and women can agree fairly, and what to anticipate from a male-female relationship.
Many milestones in a girl's life are spent with her father, making bonding and quality time together a very important aspect of the relationship.
Here, we examine the lessons we learn from daddy.
Daddy wisdom #1: What to expect in a man
Your father is essentially a measure by which you will pit every man in your life against.
By observing how he treats your mother, you learn as a child the dynamics of marriage and what to expect from a relationship with another man in future.
So, if he's reliable, honest and loving, you will look for those qualities in other men.
When parents treat each other well, a child digests this behaviour, files it as 'normal', and comes to expect is as a norm for how couples should treat each other.
If a father displays bulling, shouting or oppressive behaviour, chances are, his daughter will, even though subconsciously, seek out a similarly abusive man in future.
Jane R. Rosen-Grandon, PHD, believes that the “unconscious conclusion is... "If Dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If Dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good." And by thinking less of herself, she'll ultimately find herself with a man who treats her poorly.
Daddy wisdom #2: There are no absolutes between men and women, only negotiation and compromise.
Fathers who exercise absolute power and rigid rules will find that their daughters will rebel.
On the other hand, a father cannot always let his daughter have her own way.
The middle ground is the land of negotiation and compromise.
When your father is fair and listens to your thoughts, you gain self-confidence and pride in your own opinion.
Through careful guidance, a compromise can be established, and this helps you learn that just because you didn't get things your way, it doesn't mean a man loves you less, but simply that life doesn't always bow down to your wishes.
This belief in negotiation and compromise does not only help a woman through her relationships with a man, but also through many other aspects of her life, like a career.
Daddy wisdom #3: Disciplines and some boundaries will take you a long way
"Discipline is one of the most devoted, long-lasting gifts a father can give to his child," says Ray Gaurendi, a clinical psychologist.
Although the word arouses negative connotations and a sense of kill-joy, its actual meaning comes from the Latin, ‘discipulus’ meaning pupil, or one who is learning.
No matter how independent, girls want restrictions put on them (even though we will complain bitterly when they are imposed, by our father or otherwise).
This is because it provides guidelines for acceptable behaviour, and these boundaries make a child feel safe, subconsciously also instilling their parents' values into them.
But using discipline to teach a set of behaviours to a child, not as punishment, will only work when there is consistency.
For example, a regimented plan on handling bedtime tantrums should be carried out similarly by both mother and father.
And when done so, can go a long way toward establishing a general pattern of order and the development of self-control.
Again Gaurendi tells us that “fathers are important in the development of their children and bring a unique presence, a special strength to raising children."
Daddy wisdom #4: Aretha Franklin was right; it's all about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
A girl’s first male-female relationship is with her father.
And, it's also their first reflection of themselves as a female.
Any failure at this relationship will definitely be reflected in her life later on.
If your father was violent, irritable, emotionally unavailable, or negligent, you'll tend to gravitate towards those traits in husbands or lovers.
Irrespective of the harm it does to you physically, psychologically and emotionally, this 'father hunger' forces you to seek such men, hoping that in due course things will change.
Dr Beverly Block tells us that “the psychology behind this phenomenon is really quite interesting: being treated in an abusive way as a child diminishes your self-worth and thus your expectations of yourself and the way others should treat you.
You forget that you deserve choices in your life, and tend to accept whatever circumstances befall you.”
Barriers and guards can also subconsciously be put up so that people you have relationships with are kept at arm's length.
It's a fear of not letting someone important too close, out of this preconditioned notion that you will be let down again.
You will always have this fear that your relationships will fail, or turn out to be like your parents.
Daddy wisdom #5: Youth should be enjoyed
Girls who grow up with a close father-daughter bond are likely to mature and enter puberty much later on than those who didn’t have a good relationship with their dad.
According to researchers at Vanderbilt University, from a study of 173 girls and their families from the time the girls were in pre-kindergarten until they were in the seventh grade (Form 1), the following was found: “Girls who had close, positive relationships with their parents during the first five years of life tended to experience relatively late puberty, compared to girls who had more distant relationships with their parents. More specifically, the researchers found that the quality of fathers' involvement with daughters was the most important feature of the early family environment in relation to the timing of the daughters' puberty.” (Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)
Daddy wisdom #6: Daddy really does know best, or at least as close to the best as you'll get
Girls usually put their dad on a pedestal, perceiving him to be a fountain of knowledge and good judgment. For matters of the heart, they'll run to mum, but for matters of the head, it's usually dad, and this is most prominent in adulthood, after adolescence.
It's usually anything from financial advice, driving lessons, and surprisingly sometimes, even relationship advice, though this would only happen if your dad has been present throughout your youth and taken an keen interest in your wellbeing.
Tania* tells us that she remembers her father telling her all sort of pearls of wisdom, but the one that's stuck forever is: “People will treat you well if you let them; or if you show them that you won't stand for anything less.” The fact that Tania* had been bullied at school at the time made this piece of advice even more profound.
Mae* says “The best guidance my dad ever gave me was that the most significant thing in the world is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and respect what you see. That to lie, cheat, steal, be idle, spoilt or demanding, or act in any other way that isn’t honourable is an offense to my personality. I have lived by those words.”
Daddy wisdom #1: What to expect in a man
Your father is essentially a measure by which you will pit every man in your life against.
By observing how he treats your mother, you learn as a child the dynamics of marriage and what to expect from a relationship with another man in future.
So, if he's reliable, honest and loving, you will look for those qualities in other men.
When parents treat each other well, a child digests this behaviour, files it as 'normal', and comes to expect is as a norm for how couples should treat each other.
If a father displays bulling, shouting or oppressive behaviour, chances are, his daughter will, even though subconsciously, seek out a similarly abusive man in future.
Jane R. Rosen-Grandon, PHD, believes that the “unconscious conclusion is... "If Dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If Dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good." And by thinking less of herself, she'll ultimately find herself with a man who treats her poorly.
Daddy wisdom #2: There are no absolutes between men and women, only negotiation and compromise.
Fathers who exercise absolute power and rigid rules will find that their daughters will rebel.
On the other hand, a father cannot always let his daughter have her own way.
The middle ground is the land of negotiation and compromise.
When your father is fair and listens to your thoughts, you gain self-confidence and pride in your own opinion.
Through careful guidance, a compromise can be established, and this helps you learn that just because you didn't get things your way, it doesn't mean a man loves you less, but simply that life doesn't always bow down to your wishes.
This belief in negotiation and compromise does not only help a woman through her relationships with a man, but also through many other aspects of her life, like a career.
Daddy wisdom #3: Disciplines and some boundaries will take you a long way
"Discipline is one of the most devoted, long-lasting gifts a father can give to his child," says Ray Gaurendi, a clinical psychologist.
Although the word arouses negative connotations and a sense of kill-joy, its actual meaning comes from the Latin, ‘discipulus’ meaning pupil, or one who is learning.
No matter how independent, girls want restrictions put on them (even though we will complain bitterly when they are imposed, by our father or otherwise).
This is because it provides guidelines for acceptable behaviour, and these boundaries make a child feel safe, subconsciously also instilling their parents' values into them.
But using discipline to teach a set of behaviours to a child, not as punishment, will only work when there is consistency.
For example, a regimented plan on handling bedtime tantrums should be carried out similarly by both mother and father.
And when done so, can go a long way toward establishing a general pattern of order and the development of self-control.
Again Gaurendi tells us that “fathers are important in the development of their children and bring a unique presence, a special strength to raising children."
Daddy wisdom #4: Aretha Franklin was right; it's all about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
A girl’s first male-female relationship is with her father.
And, it's also their first reflection of themselves as a female.
Any failure at this relationship will definitely be reflected in her life later on.
If your father was violent, irritable, emotionally unavailable, or negligent, you'll tend to gravitate towards those traits in husbands or lovers.
Irrespective of the harm it does to you physically, psychologically and emotionally, this 'father hunger' forces you to seek such men, hoping that in due course things will change.
Dr Beverly Block tells us that “the psychology behind this phenomenon is really quite interesting: being treated in an abusive way as a child diminishes your self-worth and thus your expectations of yourself and the way others should treat you.
You forget that you deserve choices in your life, and tend to accept whatever circumstances befall you.”
Barriers and guards can also subconsciously be put up so that people you have relationships with are kept at arm's length.
It's a fear of not letting someone important too close, out of this preconditioned notion that you will be let down again.
You will always have this fear that your relationships will fail, or turn out to be like your parents.
Daddy wisdom #5: Youth should be enjoyed
Girls who grow up with a close father-daughter bond are likely to mature and enter puberty much later on than those who didn’t have a good relationship with their dad.
According to researchers at Vanderbilt University, from a study of 173 girls and their families from the time the girls were in pre-kindergarten until they were in the seventh grade (Form 1), the following was found: “Girls who had close, positive relationships with their parents during the first five years of life tended to experience relatively late puberty, compared to girls who had more distant relationships with their parents. More specifically, the researchers found that the quality of fathers' involvement with daughters was the most important feature of the early family environment in relation to the timing of the daughters' puberty.” (Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)
Daddy wisdom #6: Daddy really does know best, or at least as close to the best as you'll get
Girls usually put their dad on a pedestal, perceiving him to be a fountain of knowledge and good judgment. For matters of the heart, they'll run to mum, but for matters of the head, it's usually dad, and this is most prominent in adulthood, after adolescence.
It's usually anything from financial advice, driving lessons, and surprisingly sometimes, even relationship advice, though this would only happen if your dad has been present throughout your youth and taken an keen interest in your wellbeing.
Tania* tells us that she remembers her father telling her all sort of pearls of wisdom, but the one that's stuck forever is: “People will treat you well if you let them; or if you show them that you won't stand for anything less.” The fact that Tania* had been bullied at school at the time made this piece of advice even more profound.
Mae* says “The best guidance my dad ever gave me was that the most significant thing in the world is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and respect what you see. That to lie, cheat, steal, be idle, spoilt or demanding, or act in any other way that isn’t honourable is an offense to my personality. I have lived by those words.”
BUT
When daddies disappear...
There are many different reasons why fathers may be absent, whether from divorce, abandonment or death, and it can have a profound effect on a girl. The ways in which she'll view the opposite sex, the outside world and herself are forever ruined as a result of a missing father.
“Girls with absent fathers grow up without the day-by-day experience of attentive, caring and loving interaction with a man. Without this continuous sense of being valued and loved, a young girl does not thrive, but rather is stunted in her emotional development.” (Source: Franklin B. Krohn, Zoe Bogan)
A sense of security and stability is also an element that affects fatherless girls and greatly affect their development. “Girls who have little contact with their fathers, especially during adolescence have great difficulties forming lasting relationships with men. Sadly these females either shy away from males altogether or become sexually aggressive.” (Source: Grimm-Wassil, 1994)
If your father has been absent throughout your life, you will still desire this daughter/father relationship with the man who wasn’t around. However, Dr Beverly Block advises that “breaking this pattern is essential if you are ever to enjoy a healthy relationship with the opposite sex.”
By now, you will have realised the importance of the daddy-daughter relationship. It is as profound as the one a woman has with her mother. A father is intrinsic in their daughter’s development and learning, and will cause lasting negative repercussions if they aren't around.
False notions that girls are to be brought up exclusively by mothers or women in the house make men distance themselves from their daughters. They feel awkward showing affection, and so miss out on the little intimacies they should really be sharing with their daughters.
"Fathers and daughters need each other. A dad can give a daughter a special confidence and sense of her own value in a very special way. A strong father-daughter bond helps a daughter navigate through the many tough challenges of the teenage years and early adulthood." Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia
adopted from MSN - life and style.
by Flora McCraith
2 lollipop(s)